Nude Violinist

Nobody witnesses me practicing. The laundry had to be done. Do you see a problem?

Shred 8-Track Tapes!

My new shredder can destroy 3.5" diskettes! DISKETTES?! My kids don't even know what those ARE!

Buddha Sees No Evil

Readers, weigh in: is this politically incorrect? Culturally insensitive? Am I just too liberal for my own good?

Massacre In University Park

See those bodies? They're deflated blow-up Halloween decorations. They're all dead.

Church Notes

Scribbled in my church bulletin.

Techno-Steve

You're looking at the five remote controls resting atop my TV (which is NOT a flat-screen TV nor an HD variety). I don't know how to use a damn one of them.

I'd Hate To See The Maxi-Bobka

Getting Around The Censors

Rulez

1) Always walk in the lunchroom.
2) Stay in your seat at all times. [How are you going to get the ice cream in 3)?]
3) Raise your hand if you need an adult, if you want to buy ice cream, if you need to go to the bathroom, or if you have a spill. [But for no other reason whatsoever!]
4) When adult raises their hand stop talking immediately. [It's comforting to know my child's education rests in the hands of someone who uses a plural possessive with a singular subject.]
5) No popping bags.
6) No trading food. [Narcotics okay.]
7) Clean up all trash on the table and on the floor.
8) No toys at the lunch table.

Vanilla Floaters

For a while, Marilu Henner of TAXI fame hawked a diet. It involved watching your bowel movements for floaters and sinkers. Hmm...