Doo-Dads. Sweets. Candies. GOODIES!

"Brach's Department of Candy Names. May I help you?"

"Joe, whatcha gonna name the new maple nut candy?"

"Gee, Bill, I dunno. Maple Nut Goodies?"

World Record #2

Yes, dear readers, for the second time in my life, I have completely used a tube of lip balm. It's been almost a year.

NOT for Thanksgiving

This, folks, is EVERYDAY turkey. Not for Thanksgiving. That's over there. In the next frozen bin. Keep moving.

Bags O' Blood

Remind me again why I like meat.

For The Fifth D*mn Time, We're Opening!

Why were they closed 4 times?

The Unknown Leaf-Bagger

Some of you may remember the Unknown Comic. Here I am trying to open a 3-foot-tall leaf bag. The best way is just to put it over your head and stretch your arms. Trust me.

Fop...Coxcomb...Dandy

The coat, the wingtips (you can't see them here), the feathered hat, the spectacles (tortoise-shell, probably real)....UGH.

Nude Violinist

Nobody witnesses me practicing. The laundry had to be done. Do you see a problem?

Shred 8-Track Tapes!

My new shredder can destroy 3.5" diskettes! DISKETTES?! My kids don't even know what those ARE!

Buddha Sees No Evil

Readers, weigh in: is this politically incorrect? Culturally insensitive? Am I just too liberal for my own good?