Monday, December 29, 2008

Supermarket Gleanings: 104 in a Series

International Delight coffee creamer presents...Caribbean Cinnamon Crème. There are multiple issues here:
•Does cinnamon hail from the Caribbean?
•Is the Caribbean a "nation," as in "International?"
•If it's spelled "crème," does that mean it's fake?

Supermarket Gleanings: #17.6 in a Series

Snuggle fabric softener presents its latest...flavor: sweet almond essence.

Supermarket Gleanings: #39 in a Series

Now I can eat Vanessa Hudgens! It's High School Musical cereal! I paid to see this movie with my son. The cereal should be free.

Supermarket Gleanings: #X in a Series

Is it "reduced fat" because there's less of it?


I'm trying to be green. Instead of pouring chemicals down my drain to deal with the family hair problem (see earlier blog), I got a product that mechanically cleans my drain: Zip-It, which is "environmentally safe"...except for the fact that this plastic product is for one-time use.

Eat Ham

My son Max made this cookie.

Peace Out

Here I'm sporting my son Max's NFL-style authentic headwear. I can't pull it off: the style...not the hat.

No Pocket Protector Needed

Today I returned to work from the holidays ready to write! The sheer number of writing utensils in my shirt pocket is unprecedented: and it has a story behind it! But you won't believe me.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Feminine Hygiene = Fun

Oddly enough, this sign is right over the bandages and first-aid kits. Giant, Hyattsville, MD

Save Trees! Use Petroleum-Based Products!

 This display is at Staples®. Trees are a renewable resource, and can be managed in a responsible way. These plastic pencils will sit in a landfill until the end of time. I wonder if these are even the refillable kind?


I work for the Government. This means I don't earn much money. However, to dream about gifts for my loved ones, I get the Tiffany catalog. I think this will be in some stockings this year. My economic stimulus package will cover this, right?

Bunny Wishes Me Happy Holidays

Monday, December 15, 2008

AWFUL Gifts Under $15

My Sunday paper comes with Parade magazine. It amuses me, for all the wrong reasons. Take December 14's issue for example.
Great Gifts Under $15
by Meredith Barnett
Instead of worrying about the cost of gifts, get creative.
•Give your time. [Okay, this is legitimate.]
•Mix it up. Create homemade gorp by combining mixed nuts, raisins, dried cranberries, and chocolate chips. [What in blazes is GORP? Ms. Barnett defines it, but the sound of the word alone would make me the most unappreciative recipient.]
•Keep it clean. When presented properly, soap retains a kind of natural elegance. [It also says, "You're dirty. Clean up your act."]
And finally, what's up with the cover of this issue of Parade? The red-shirted kid is cute, but the girl on the right is absolutely...stunned.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Wippity Wipes

Whip it.

Yay God

An interesting license plate courtesy of the photographic collection of J.J. Sokolowski & Andrea Huston, Aiea, Hawai'i (my brother-in-law and his wife).

Potted Meat Food Product

Bunny's Glasses

These are Bernadette's glasses. The tape didn't last through the day.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Junk Mail Alias

I suppose it's too blurry to see in the picture, but the name on this piece o' junk mail is "Billy Bob Snodgrass," after an "AKA" I had in middle school: Billy Bo Bob McKay (3-B McKay). Don't ask. Sometimes I provide an alias so I can see who buys mailing lists from whom. I wonder what I'm worth?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Tub Stuff

Call me old-fashioned: I like long hair on women. Unfortunately, this means I get to snake the bathtub drain once a month. I thank God for nitrile gloves at Costco...

Ladies & Gentlemen, Quite Possibly the World's First...

...Completely Used Tube of Chap Stick®. No, really: it's gone. I used it all.

Holy Pencils

Exhibit A: "Without Jesus, Life Is Pointless"

Exhibit B: "Hammer Out Sin!"

Clearly, I need a wide-angle cell-phone camera.

Both courtesy of the Charles Fulcher collection, used with permission. Check out his blog!

Pumpkin Lunch

I've tried a few "diets" in my time. There's the infamous two-oranges-and-a-hunk-of-cheese diet that I tried for one day. My best friend Stanley, now a doctor, pointed out that I was eating a lot of fat. I thought cheese was healthy. Today I decided to try pumpkin. From a can. It doesn't taste like a pie.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

What cake do I want? Turkey...of course.

You know, the beauty of the pictures I acquire is that these blogs write themselves. Baskin-Robbins, Beltway Plaza, Greenbelt, MD

Warm...Soft...and Fashion

I got a new ski mask. It's "warm, soft & fashion." Fashion.

Quick Start!

Label spotted on a VACUUM CLEANER at Target. A vacuum cleaner! Do other vacuums usually start with a lawnmower-esque pull of a rope? Is this an innovation?

Creamy Liquid Shortening!

Costco, Beltsville, MD

Ready To Eat!

Well, I hope what I get served in a restaurant is indeed "Ready to Eat!"

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Porn Call From My Mother

This was last night's dinner: hot dogs and baked beans. I actually enjoy it. My mother used to make it for me when I lived with her for 3 years in my adult life. One day she called me at work with a terrible cold and a raspy, practically lost voice: "Tonight, we're having BEANIE...WEENIES. If you didn't hear me...BEANIE...WEENIES."

Pimp Hat

5 Below, Laurel, Maryland

Not Fer Sox

Steve's Crack

I love Splenda. I use 8 teaspoons of the granulated stuff in a cup o' tea.

Limited Edition Strawberry Mint Orbit ®

There's a reason it's limited: it tastes like a cough drop.

A guy walks into a smokey bar...


Thursday, November 13, 2008


Is it a command or a product? And what is it? Harvest Bazaar/Bizarre, Holy Redeemer School, College Park, MD

Creamy Topping

I volunteered some time at the Harvest Bazaar for Holy Redeemer School (College Park, MD). At the coffee bar was this interesting menu choice: Creamy Topping.

Crap Pack

Chop-Chop & T.K.

Old Post Office, Washington DC

Thursday, November 6, 2008

THIS One Tastes Better

Same product line, newer taste. Which one do I choose?

Cave Man Utters Bizarreries

About once a month, I enjoy a hearty bowl o' chili mac at Hard Times, a local chain of chili parlors. I have now seen Cave Man at the bar on two visits. On one of them, it was necessary for me to relieve my bladder. Cave Man was in the restroom. "If I could just get one fart out!" he bemoaned. Thanks for sharing, Cave Man; I bet you're thinking the same thing about this blog entry.

Friday, October 31, 2008


Call it a gift. Call it a curse. My head's circumference is small. I can wear almost any hat except one for infants. Thus...

Ikea, College Park, MD

"Honey, I'm goin' prospectin'."

Dodge pick-up truck, College Park, MD

Friday, October 24, 2008

Bald = Cold

I cut my hair very short. I do it myself. In the winter, it makes me cold. So I wear a hat in the office. Beats wing-tips.


My kids drink enough milk (skim!) to merit a cow in the back yard. The new milk department at Costco should suffice.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Please Translate

  • Hairdressing: Creation contain fog's oxygen, moisten the skin
  • Delightfully fresh: Return to return the nature, decontamination air
  • Add wet: Change the water into fog, wetness air
  • Modifier: The indoors decorates, vogue decoration
Mystery product, Arundel Mills Mall

French-Milled Soap

Like you, I've got at least 37 little bars of hotel soap in my bathroom closet. They always say, "French-Milled Soap." What's so special about that? Hmm. Sorry for the fuzziness.