Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Calling All Saints!

Royal House Chapel International: CONVENTION OF SAINTS!

Vader's First

I visit Hard Times chili restaurant every Tuesday night for $4.99 chili mac. Members of "Vader's First," the 501st Legion, are always there. They swap body armor stories and swig Jawa Beer. Despite making fun of them, you know I'm just jealous that I'm not a member.

Steve Snodgrass: CRIMINAL

Yes, I was going 52 in a 40 MPH zone on a very quiet freeway at 5:00 AM on a Saturday morning. I'm glad the public is safer because I was caught. Payment is so easy! Conveniently online with your credit card! #@$%

Monday, July 20, 2009

Buckets o' Blood

Ladies & gentlemen, imagine a one-gallon bucket. Now imagine six of them...full of blood. That's how much I've given of myself. I'm wonderful. And humble. I also get paid, so don't pat me on the back.

Front Page News

And the hilarity isn't even in "cemetery vandalized." Submitted by our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Kentucky, Rev. Matthew Bradly (what, you think I don't associate with men o' God?). Shell gas station, Central City, KY

Health Care, Courtesy of the Men's Room

Submitted by our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Kentucky, Rev. Matthew Bradly (no, really: he's a holy man). Shell gas station, Central City, KY

Friday, July 17, 2009

Jesus Paints?

"Custom Painting By John"
"Where Jesus Is Lord"
And Batman's in there for good measure.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

UNPRECEDENTED! Black Man Escorts White Man To Jail!

Yes, ladies & gentlemen, that is a WHITE perpetrator sitting in the back of a law-enforcement vehicle. He is being driven by a BLACK officer of the law. Unbelievable. Unprecedented! My NAACP membership number is 107927097: look it up.

You Will Be Charged!

Charged? In terms A legal action?

Washing Hands = Soap + Water

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Simian-Human Interaction

We here at the National Endowment for the Humanities are a mature lot. Most of the time. This was the scene to which I returned after going to lunch. I am 99.6% sure I know the culprit. He's got a Ph.D. in philosophy.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Insert Verb Here

"VERB! That's what's happenin'!" Clearly, nothing is happening in this photograph.
Prince George's Plaza Metro parking garage, Hyattsville, MD

Monday, July 6, 2009


It's not a waterfall: it's a cheesefall.
Egg & Cheese Sandwich, Plato's Diner, College Park, Md

Barbecuein' For The OCD Man

No cookout is complete without the requisite gear: tongs, flipper, meat, and gloves. I'm not touching raw meat. No, sir. Uh-uh.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Crab From...The Desert?

Unlike SOME people, I love crab. Did you know Old Bay goes really well on it? Anywho, I'm pretty sure crab does not hail from the American Southwest. Hmm.
Parkway Deli, Silver Spring, MD

Creepy Ice Cream Van

Another in a seemingly endless string of custom-made ice cream vans in my 'hood. This one sports the ubiquitous Ice Cream Man superhero. Where do they get these decals? Ice Cream Van Mart?

Be Prepared

Van message in old crackly, peeling sticker-letters: BE PREPARED. JESUS IS COMING. I guess He was expected sooner. Hmm.