My Cell Phone Carrier Doesn't Know Me

Wow! I got a "free" gift! 100 free text messages! 

I have unlimited texting.

"I Only Need a Touch-Up, Doc"

"Light"

Creamy Mexican

Jamaican Me Crazy

An enticing...blend of luscious 

caramel, vanilla, and creamy Mexican

liqueur!

I'm Guessing "Scary Clown and PETA Bait" Didn't Go Over Well With Focus Groups

Segmentation.

Not 1/16: wusses. Not even 1/18: pantywaists. 1/12. 1/12!!! Show your pride.

Fat

I was a wee bit surprised when, walking behind a grocery store, I saw...fat. Raw. Bloody. Open to the elements. Yuck.

Cold. Ruthless. Calculating.

Mom plotting in Scrabble.
She's actually not cold, ruthless, or calculating. I ♥ Mom.

Oxymoron

Light
Thick & Creamy

What's Wrong with Black?!

CVS FAIL